Friday, 6 April 2012

Trust - LBC Post

I remember reading back in my schooldays about a very interesting historical character - Elizabeth I, the Queen of  England.  I remember reading that she had been in danger from her enemies from the time she was born.  The only child of  Queen Anne (born Anne Boleyn), Henry VIII's second queen, the woman hated by all, having replaced good Queen Katherine by Henry's side.    Anne was executed while her daughter was still in her infancy, leaving the child all alone.  Elizabeth grew up in perpetual danger.  Her elder sister Mary, the daughter of Henry's first wife, was never kindly disposed towards the unfortunate child.

Yet, in spite of so many setbacks, that unfortunate child became one of England's greatest monarchs, and lived a long, prosperous life.  I was impressed by a line I'd read about her in my school history book.  I don't have the exact quote, but it went something like this:  'Experience had made her extremely cautious and slow to reveal her mind.'  In other words, she was very slow to trust people.  Well, it seems to have paid off.   Okay, so she didn't find true love.    Who does?  Very few in my opinion.  Elizabeth did pretty well, considering.  At least she didn't make the same mistake as her father did, marrying six times.

"Love many.  Trust few.  Always paddle your own canoe."  One of my school friends wrote that on a farewell card for me when we were leaving school.  I can't even remember which friend, but those words resonated.  I wish I could have lived up to them a bit more.  I've always been a bit too trusting for my own liking.  Sometimes in life, you have to trust, you have to take a chance.  I suppose true wisdom comes from knowing who and when to trust and who and when not to.  As I get older, I'm getting more cautious.  I've even told my children the story of Elizabeth I, how she learnt early in life that you can't trust everyone you meet.  I want them to trust, but to do so cautiously.

The biggest violation of trust I've ever come across in my life still has me reeling in shock over a year later.  That's how the Catholic Church in Ireland handled the sexual abuse cases involving some misguided priests.  As a person who was brought up to believe that the Catholic Church lived and taught the ultimate truth, the horror of learning the truth behind the cover ups practically turned my whole value system on it's head.  In hindsight (wisdom by hindsight?) it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.  I am a lot more cynical about the Church now, although I haven't turned into the kind of person who blames the Catholic Church for each and every bad thing that has ever happened in my life or in Irish life. 

The Al-Anon literature that I've read says that prayers for guidance are always answered.  The Bible tells us that wisdom should be sought after like silver and gold.  So I suppose that if we pray for discernment and wisdom, we'll know who to trust and who not to.  Of course, not everyone believes in prayer, but most people swear by meditation which is more or less the same thing - seeking wisdom in silence and contemplation.

It is a sad fact that you can't trust everyone.  It is also a fact that violation of trust can cause terrible disappointment and trauma.

This is the weekly post for my blogging group, the Loose Blogging Consortium.  We post weekly (usually simultaneously) on a given topic and visit each other to see the different takes we have on the same topic.  We are, in alphabetical order, DeliriousRummuser,  GrannymarMagpieMaria SFocdwriterPadmumPaul,Rohit , The Old Fossil and Will.  If you have time, please visit my friends too.  This topic 'Trust' was suggested by Grannymar.  


  1. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but if they behave badly, then I withdraw my trust in them and move on. 99.9% of the time my gut instinct has proved correct.

  2. In my humble (!) opinion, many do find true love. I am willing to argue that point. It is just that we get to hear or read about people who do not and not enough about those who do.

    My formula, which has worked for me and about which I have posted, is to trust till I am proved wrong.

  3. I always tended to trust people. Until they did something that showed me I was wrong. Yes. I don't want to become suspicious and cynical but I am more cautious now.

  4. Love and trust do go hand in hand---so breakups do happen when that trust is eroded. We do keep secrets within our hearts as it may harm a relationship or cause great pain in another. Here we have to trust our judgements.

    Lovely blog...most successful women seem to be loners. While successful men have great support systems and women behind them.

  5. My youngest is learning that lesson, and while I wish it was an easier one to learn, sometimes the most valuable ones are the most difficult.

  6. You don't have to trust entirely to trust at all. Sometimes I just know - it's fine - and so far so good.
    Other times things move more slowly.


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